Sunday Humor

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)... Enjoy!
* In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating theworld, so he took the Sabbath off.
* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
* Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
* The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble withthe unsympathetic Genitals.
* Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
* Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened breadwhich is bread without any ingredients.
* The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
* The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
* Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
* The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to standstill and he obeyed him.
* David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with theFinklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
* Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
* When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
* When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus inthe manager.
* Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
* Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others beforethey do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
* It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get thetombstone off the entrance.
* The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistleswere the wives of the apostles.
* One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
* St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which isanother name for marriage.
* Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.